After my pregnancy with the miss PB, and all her trying to kill me business(which if you dont know, severe hyperemsis, and placenta previa, ect.), i was really hoping that MAYBE my body would let me have this one...

I have never been one of the healthy folk out there... Ive also never had a common cold. I get things like bronchitus, sinusitus, upper resp. infections. When younger, I had strep a few times, tonsilitus more times than i could count (i still have my tonsils by the way), i had a stomach virus, atleast twice a year, all of the above mentioned, ear infections... you name it, ive had it... BUT the common cold, it got to the point where i could diagnos myself, my family thought this was funny, i thought it was sad lol. I also have asthma, im allergic to everything BUT food, I even have cold uticara, which is classified as a skin disorder, but really its an allergy to the cold (note to self: never move to alaska). While pregnant with PB i was fairly healthy on the sick front, had one sinus infection that lasted forever, but that was it, since having her, I havent been sick once...

When i found out i was pregnant again, i felt my world come crashing down on me, i didnt want it, i was miserable i cried almost always, i was pissed off at myself for allowing it happen, i felt guilt for everyone, mostly for my daughter. I wanted it to go away... and i felt like the worst person in the world for wishing that, i beat myself up over it. i am starting to come around.. but... the hyperemsis is back, im on zofran it helps with the nausea and vomitting, although not all the time, but enough. the past 7 days i was on bed rest... (hi... i have a 6 month old, and my husband has to work) so i stayed with my parents a few days, and they helped a lot, my friend Harlee helped me out when she could, and i didnt the best i could... im on bed rest, because my uteran scar was over stretching... i was in an insane ammount of pain for about a week before i started to complain about it, and i still didnt make an appointment to go to see my OB for atleast another 3-4 days... its how i roll. finally i go in, they check me out, do an ultra sound, draw some blood.... ultra sound shows my scar.... the scar that is a little to stretched for my dr's liking, its going to stretch naturally, duh... but apparently i was doing to much, and helping it along... hello... if i didnt stop... i could totally off myself, and the baby.. or just the baby... and it dawned on me... i can NOT let anything happen to this baby.. if my body rejected it on its own, i would have been a little sad, ill admit that... but if something happend because of something i could control... i couldnt handle that... im getting used to the idea of having 2... 2 very close in age...

im also vitamin d deficent.. no bigs right? OH WRONG! LOL i googled... yeah i know.. DONT GOOGLE! but the nurse who called me, made it VERY clear that i HAD to take a supplement.... "DONT NOT TAKE IT, ITS IMPORTANT" she stressed more than once, but wouldnt exactly explain why, which is silly since my mother is on the interwebs, so is the rest of the world... i know how to navigate google.. bad things people.. BAD THINGS!

so i feel like a total loser, i cant take care of my baby on my own, im not supposed to stand longer than 5 minutes at time (do you know how much of a mess my casa is???) and im not supposed to lift anything heavier than 5 lbs, that eliminates everything living thing in my house... even my tiny cat, who is about 7lbs... but what i can lift... a cookie....and a burger... i guess not all is lost.
 
PB is now a 1/2 year old... 6 months for those not all with it. i am shocked that i made it, let alone her... i mean.. shes growing.. thriving, and ive never dropped her! and thats HUGE for someone who is super clumsey.. like moi :D

She has started this high pitched SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHING noise, that makes me want to rip my ears off of my head, she does it all day long. the grandparents think its adorable... i tell them they can keep her. they laugh. she can now sit up, all by her lonesome, she just needs help getting into the sitting position. she now is getting up on her knees and rocking.. she wants to move, she always has so i know it will be soon for her chub butt to crawl... i was pushing her tiny hieny back down... pregnant mommy not ready to chase her right now, but i stopped lol. damnit.

this week i am 9 weeks pregnant, and as i am getting more and more excited about it, im still in a bit of a dark place about the whole thing... i dont like talking about it, unless im venting, i try not to think about it all day.. except when im making my food choices, and reminding myself that i need to rest, eat, drink something, and pee. past that.. i ignore the whole thing... just not ready. i will be. my hyperemsis came back.. HOORAY! ugh. back on pills thankfully... pregnancy for me just sucks, i hate it. wheres the damn stork? cant some big giant bird, just drop this one off... say when its about 2? I love my daughter.. but babies? eh. other peoples babies are WONDERFUL, but living with one? notsomuchfun. not for me anyway, and trust me, my kids super cute i just like people who can function lol 

house hunting has begun... im not looking for something brandy new, as i like a house with some history... i am looking for something big enough, with a yard, and something i can make my own (well.. ours)... but deff something our kids can grow into, in a good neighborhood... ive moved way to much, so we're looking for this one to be the last, for a long time. im excited about this. but... leaving some people around me now, will be hard but we arent leaving the state, just the county.
 
Welp, EPT is a big fat LIAR! I went to my OB, thinking I had a cyst the size of the grand canyon, since last time I had that much nausea, I had fred sitting smack in the middle of my ovaries, he was 1, by 1 1/2 inches long good times. I also wanted to get my butt on the pill.... So i go, he does an exam, says "well you deff dont feel pregnant" thanks for that mister who just made me a human puppet, thanks. Has me do a blood test just to be sure, and told me to call back after i see my primary about my blood pressure, it was CRAZY high, 150/110... hi heartattack, nicetomeetyou, after it goes back down he will give me a script for the non-pregnant medication. Next day, after throwing up what felt like my liver, I get the call
 
"hello Mrs. Emens?

Yes?

"hi, this is Karen from 
"The hoohoo dr" "

Oh Hi?!

"yeah um... so... youre... pregnant"


DEAD!

"
Mrs. Emens are you there?"

I died that day....

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