I read some where today, that women shouldnt be putting out there that they like kittens, rainbows, cupcakes, and to laugh, that it makes it easier for men to demean us, and that we are trying to come off as less intimidating to men...

I am a rare breed of female i suppose. I love pink, butterflies, kittens and puppies, I love to laugh, I love cupcakes, i like to make pretty things, dress my daughter up in pretty tutus. i also have a brain, and i can out throw most men, mud doesnt scare me (spiders and crickets do), I love sports, and can talk sports and follow a conversation with men. 

My husband has never once thought i was less then him, because I love make up, and doing my hair, and purses and pretty girly clothes, if anything its made him appreciate me more, because im not one sided, he knows my intelligence, he knows my athletic ability, he knows i know my way around tools, but i also know my way around the oven. He's perfectly aware that while he is better at some things than me, over all... i have the upper hand, i am by far more diverse than he. and i believe most women are. 

 why the hell cant we like rainbows and pink, and still be taken seriously? times have changed since the 1950s, being a female means, being able to be uber femmine, and still be able to keep up with the men folk, no? 

Im not going to, and have never changed myself to make other people like me, when i met my husband, my hair was black, i was in punk rock style jeans, and a black shirt, he knew i loved skull and cross bones, and i would get right into a mosh pit, come home and scrap book with pretty bows, and pink puffy paint! he took me seriously then, because when i opened my mouth, i didnt sound like a total ditz. Women can like the immaure things we loved as a child and teen, and still be taken seriously! for some it takes more effort if their appreance is by far more girlie than mine (which is for the most part the case) but if you have a brain, its not usually an issue.

So im calling your bullshit lady with the stick up her arse! and ill stand up for all the girlie girls out there, in their pretty rompers, and converse sneakers, wearing their pretty necklaces, and pink nails, who still have a brain, and arent putting on a show to make themselves look less intimidating to the mens, its who they are, and im damn proud to live in a time where women can still be women and still have the chance to meet a man who isnt going to demean them, or feel less. and dont tell me its not possible, because i AM that girl (more or less, depending on the day) and my husband knows damn well who wears the pants in this relationship (more or less depending on the day)

These hands, I've watced go from 2 small fists, with fingers turning white from the pressure of being crammed together in the tightest little ball. To hands trying to figure out to work, to being admired, to moving around in crazy  movements. Now they are thands that grab, pull, push hands that can be used to feed to feed herself, to hold her cup, to hold something hard to chew on, to help ease the pain of teeth coming in. They are hands that grab at toys to play with, to throw, they are hands that try to grab cats ears, and tails, hands that reach for dogs paws, hands that help move around on the floor... they are hands that reach for my face, they are hands learning to wave "buh-bye". They are teaching tools, they are the hands that reach for me, when she is tired, unhappy, or wants to cuddle. They may be tiny, they may at times pinch me, and pull parts of me that just cant be pulled (or atleast shouldnt be pulled) but those hands are her greatest teacher. She will learn so much more with those 2 tiny hands, she will feed herself, tie her shoes, write, draw, play, one day hold hands with her first love, they are the hands that will wipe tears from broken hearts, they will hug, those are the hands that will hold her first child, they will do and see so much with her then i ever will. They may be tiny, but they are huge in her world.

Mothers day, my very first one, with Ari...I of course didnt sleep in, I was up at 6, awaiting the princess to open her eyes for the day. I came down stairs to find 2, wrapped (apparently wrapped by a man) presents sitting on top of my laptop, with a card... OMG HE REMEMBERED TO GET ME A GIFT!  I swore he hadnt thought of it...but he didnt! he REMEMBERED! I sat down to open them... card first... card read "Wishing you what every new mom wants for mothers day..." in side it read "SLEEP!" which i stared up the stairs giving him a little nasty look, and then laughed... sleep... he wants me to have sleep...yet... im the one up... jerk. So i toss the card to the side, and open the first present, this one is flat and a large square i know what it is because its a signature for him... yeap.. i was right a picture frame, its plain, shiny... next... smaller box...also square, i pretty much know what this is too, becaus its mothers day ya'll and i KNOW what you get mothers, I do have one, i know what she got when I was little...yeap right again... white gold heart, that says "mom" in the middle. I wore it with pride of course, even though the princess tried to choke me with it, then tried to rip it off of me. but it's all good.

PB and I made it down to my mothers and we hung out for a bit waiting for my sister and Bug to get there, we went to lunch at the Warfside, sat out side on the water, which was nice, until my typically happy baby, especially in a resturant decided... LIFE SUCKED! and she was going to let everyone in a 100 mile radius KNOW IT! I totally wanted to jump in the water. I shoveled my food into my face (which was DELISH.. lobster tail and fried shrimp??? yes please!!!) while my sister held PB. then i took her, and stood up with her while every snooty woman in the joint stared me down.. she wasnt screaming anymore, she was talking... LOUDLY but i still got nasty looks, not that, that bothers me i could care less what other people think, i she continued to lose her mind we would have gone outside away from people, but she started to calm down, especially when her aunt held her again (snot.)

after lunch we went to the park, bug of course had the time of his little 1 year old life, well my child slept in the car with my mother standing gaurd... until i said screw this, and woke her up which she was not so pleased with (suck it up kid) she went on the swing for a bit, but still wasnt all to happy about life.

so my mothers day wasnt anything all to grand, it was nice to spend the day with my mother and sister, but past that... nothing to write home about. I mean i came home and did dishes while the husband stood behind me and said "anything you want me to do?" ....men.

When I was little, i was painfully shy, i didnt like sleep overs, i hated birthday parties i hated strangers, and being away from my family was painful. i hid behind my sisters leg for possibly ever (she is 9 years older than me) and she.. isnt shy. it was hard growing up being that shy, i didnt want to go in stores alone.. my mother once drove to wawa, and made ME go inside and get milk, i thought i was going to die, i cried, my heart pounded i wanted to vomit. yeah yeah, i was just getting milk but you dont understand that, that required me standing in front of someone, and have to interact with them in some way, and in my own 8 year old mind that was death.


i was more than likely about 10, maybe younger i had a set of days of the week underwear.. oh stop you had them too! and i LOVED them, i wore wednesday on wednesday, monday on monday, it was FANTASTIC! one day i had on my wednesday pair, they were white with green lettering. my sister had taken me to the high school for whatever reason, and we were in the gym she was talking to someone... who? i still dont know but its not the point,  she kept saying "car.. wednesday" over and over and i had no idea what she was talking about, and her friend thought she was bonkers (she is.. but thats another story) she repeated this like 8-9 times and i just stared at her blankley... and i kept thinking today ISNT wednesday its saturday you crazy broad!

eventually she gave up, and said "FUDGE(nick name she gave me years ago) YOUR ZIPPER IS DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

i almost passed out, it was horrible! here we are IN PLUBIC which is horrible enough for me, and she is talking to someone SHE knows, but to me is a total stranger, this was my nightmare, and my fly is down? so i zip it up, and i know im red, and id like to just die right there, i may as well who cares? this guy just saw my days of the week underwear, and for a 10 year old, that is instant death at least for a girl, who would rather pull out her eye lashes then have to be around someone she doesnt know in public... after that my sister says "so next time im just going to say the days of the week, so youll know your zipper is down,and you wont get embarrassed!" GENIUS i thought! NO ONE WILL KNOW! works for me... it never happened again... but to this day, if someone randomly says a day of the week, (or at least i didnt hear someone ask what the day is.. or what have you) i feel my self checking to see if my fly is down, ive been scarred ya'll!!!!! the days of the week are a constant reminder of some strange guy, in the middle of the high school gym, seeing my days of the week underwear, which at the time for me were the greatest thing in existence, but some strange guy, childish and i already made a fool of myself by hiding behind my sister.. now he saw my undies i left a piece of me in that gym... my dignity.

so if you are ever in that high school and youre in the gym and you see some thing hiding beind the bleachers trying to avoid eye contact... its my dignity and it has my wednesday underwear, just ignore it, please dont add insult to injury, poor thing has been through enough.

if you live under a rock, and havent heard.. Bin Laden is dead (or...atleast so they tell us)( im always weary of things.. i need proof..moving on...) I almost cried watching the news, my hands were slightly shakey, I just kept thinking about everyone who has been lost because of this man, and his "army" and not just at their hands, well.. yes at their hands... so many men and women have taken their own lives, on our soil due to this war, PLUS his victims, and our military and all the others fighting this same fight.

Im proud, for all of them, im proud that 10 years ago, I was sitting in class in high school (omg 10 years ago.. i just threw up in my mouth a little) and from the window of the room i was in, we could SEE the first tower smoking, we saw the expolsion of the 2nd tower being hit, and we could see it on the news, we knew people there! our small 1 mile town, had someone there that day, and he was murdered, and he was an amazingly wonderful person. Im proud that EVEN 10 years later, we got him, (i personally would have liked to see him be slowly tortured... but i dont get everything i want) that he wont be able to celebrate a decade of our misery... this isnt over, and im sure for the most part, its just begun... but damn it feels good for him to have a bullet in his head... and it feels strange to rejoice in someones death, im not a vicious person (ok ok, i can be.. BUT i take death seriously) but shit he deserved it!!!!!

atleast for today, i feel better about bringing PB in to this world, and bringing 2.0 into the world in october...today i feel hopeful, today i feel like anything really is possible in this world, because THIS world.. the one today is very different than the one from yesterday, and in my head, today the world is perfect, and my children deserve perfect even if its just for today.

Warmer weather has finally made its way to the east coast, and by east coast i mean jersey, because frankly  i dont care about anywhere else, since i dont live there... i live here... and here... has been COLD, and wet and finally its hot and dry! which to me is love. even while pregnant, ive done it once, and sure some days blew... but ill take it over cold crappy days where you can not do anything at all.

PB and i went for a nice walk today, and sat in the back yard, laughing and playing... her fat arms and legs hanging out for the world to see in her cute onsie and shorts. She tried oh so hard to drink out of her sippy cup, she will get it, i have faith in my little butter ball.

May is one busy bee month for this famiglia, dr's appts, court appts (thank you mr. officer for giving me a ticket for failure to inspect, AND then notice i have a 1 year extension sticker.. ass), parties, more dr appts, and an off broadway show, and house hunting and most of this is with in a 2 week time span.... wheres MY doppleganger when i need her? bitch.


Easter... errr.. Egg day... was a good day, PB looked beautiful in her prettiful dress, my nephew bug did a little easter egg hunt, which was of course was adorable because its Bug and whatever he does, is super cute. ill post pictures at a later date, right now.. im pooped, and fairly certain any moment a baby i going to start to cry for her nap...

Big happenings going over here for moi and mia famiglia! Im not going to much into detail, at the moment if only because I am not going to risk jinxing this shiz! But its great, its FAB! Maybe not for you, but for me? and my clan, its HUGE! cant wait to share.

Right now I am 14 weeks pregnant... FOURTEEN! THATS IT! uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh! I look and feel like i should be about 5-6 months prego.. but alas here i am at a meer 14 weeks with nothing to show for it but exhaustion and a headache... lovely. Im so getting fixed after this ya'll! no mo fo me!


PB has another loverly tooth, that i had no clue was coming in, because my kid apparently feels no pain... that kid will crack her head on anything hard, and not even flinch.. but come near her with a needle? and she may cut you, no she will absolutely cut you. She is also 7 months old, and i missed the date and forgot to take pictures.. so i on one of these days where i have the time i intend to go all camera happy on her cutie butt! but for now, you have enjoy her picture with the hippty hop

PB has been army crawlin it up in this piece! you can blink, and that porky butt is accross the room, latched on to something! Usually its her crib legs, and she is trying to eat them but i mean whatevs! she's a movin baby! As of right now, we dont play on the floor down stairs, cause really ya'll i have 5 pets, and im TIRED and do not have the energy to vaccum every day (which i would have to with the zoo i got goin on over here) so we play in her room for now, its a no cat zone, dog only.

We also have a tooth, one small jagged tryin to rip my finger off, tooth! i love this tooth, i almost lost my mind when her Aunt Harlee felt it! the kid never was upset, or cranky, but im sure it was a fluke, and the next one she will go all physco baby on me, and try to chew a hole threw my arm... cant wait!.

Saturday, I got to venture out amongst the rest of the world sans baby! my sista had a lia sophia partaaay, bein one of the po'folk, i went for the food, a great friend of mine and her daughter came with.. there was of course skinny chicks in LARGE amounts, and i wanted to punch myself in the face, and some stupidity on some peoples parts that any other day, in any other place i would have called them on their bull, but it was neither the time nor place but damnit if i didnt wanna smack um for being stupid. past those 2 folks it was good times my nephew was of course insanely cute, PB was wonderful for her grandparents and i didnt have to change a single diaper from noon-8pm... hello faaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous!

After my pregnancy with the miss PB, and all her trying to kill me business(which if you dont know, severe hyperemsis, and placenta previa, ect.), i was really hoping that MAYBE my body would let me have this one...

I have never been one of the healthy folk out there... Ive also never had a common cold. I get things like bronchitus, sinusitus, upper resp. infections. When younger, I had strep a few times, tonsilitus more times than i could count (i still have my tonsils by the way), i had a stomach virus, atleast twice a year, all of the above mentioned, ear infections... you name it, ive had it... BUT the common cold, it got to the point where i could diagnos myself, my family thought this was funny, i thought it was sad lol. I also have asthma, im allergic to everything BUT food, I even have cold uticara, which is classified as a skin disorder, but really its an allergy to the cold (note to self: never move to alaska). While pregnant with PB i was fairly healthy on the sick front, had one sinus infection that lasted forever, but that was it, since having her, I havent been sick once...

When i found out i was pregnant again, i felt my world come crashing down on me, i didnt want it, i was miserable i cried almost always, i was pissed off at myself for allowing it happen, i felt guilt for everyone, mostly for my daughter. I wanted it to go away... and i felt like the worst person in the world for wishing that, i beat myself up over it. i am starting to come around.. but... the hyperemsis is back, im on zofran it helps with the nausea and vomitting, although not all the time, but enough. the past 7 days i was on bed rest... (hi... i have a 6 month old, and my husband has to work) so i stayed with my parents a few days, and they helped a lot, my friend Harlee helped me out when she could, and i didnt the best i could... im on bed rest, because my uteran scar was over stretching... i was in an insane ammount of pain for about a week before i started to complain about it, and i still didnt make an appointment to go to see my OB for atleast another 3-4 days... its how i roll. finally i go in, they check me out, do an ultra sound, draw some blood.... ultra sound shows my scar.... the scar that is a little to stretched for my dr's liking, its going to stretch naturally, duh... but apparently i was doing to much, and helping it along... hello... if i didnt stop... i could totally off myself, and the baby.. or just the baby... and it dawned on me... i can NOT let anything happen to this baby.. if my body rejected it on its own, i would have been a little sad, ill admit that... but if something happend because of something i could control... i couldnt handle that... im getting used to the idea of having 2... 2 very close in age...

im also vitamin d deficent.. no bigs right? OH WRONG! LOL i googled... yeah i know.. DONT GOOGLE! but the nurse who called me, made it VERY clear that i HAD to take a supplement.... "DONT NOT TAKE IT, ITS IMPORTANT" she stressed more than once, but wouldnt exactly explain why, which is silly since my mother is on the interwebs, so is the rest of the world... i know how to navigate google.. bad things people.. BAD THINGS!

so i feel like a total loser, i cant take care of my baby on my own, im not supposed to stand longer than 5 minutes at time (do you know how much of a mess my casa is???) and im not supposed to lift anything heavier than 5 lbs, that eliminates everything living thing in my house... even my tiny cat, who is about 7lbs... but what i can lift... a cookie....and a burger... i guess not all is lost.